I’m not kidding.

 Its been going on for a while. Every Thursday the Mormon missionaries canvas downtown Arlington. They’ll talk to anyone they pass but routinely see me and keep walking. I have never had a conversation with them. I must smell of Kingdom or something, but they avoid me like the plague. The weird thing is, I’d love to engage them, but for some reason they won’t. This has been a perpetual state of amusement to me. I know it’s Thursday walk down the street and watch them talk to everyone but me.

Okay so that’s point 1. They avoid me because they know something.

Point 2. Tuesdays and Thursdays we have an after school hang out (the Mud Hut) for kids in town. They come to play pool, xbox and drink coffee and Italian sodas. Every session we either have a devotional or read some bible story to the kids (they are sooo bible illiterate it’s shocking). Last Thursday we had one of the missionaries come and hang out undercover (he was dressed in street clothes, not the typical white shirt and black pants). How did I know this? Well, we were going through the Easter story with the kids and this guy started saying we had to believe in Jesus and Joseph Smith. Not to be confrontational we basically ignored him and kept going.

Which leads me to point 3 of why the Mormon’s are trying to kill me. I ride a motorcycle and was leaving the Mud Hut that day (the coffee house/ hang out we host after school for the kids). As I was leaving, I thought I smelled gas, but didn’t think anything of it because on a bike you smell everything when you ride. A few miles down the road, I felt something running down my leg, like I was sweating. I looked down and there was a small hole in my gas tank. Gas was pouring down my leg.

I was a few miles from home, so I covered the hole with my finger and rode home with one hand. After I parked at home, Miriam (my wife) commented that the hole looked weird. I was a small hole the size of a flat head screwdriver.  Evidently someone had tapped a hole with a screwdriver in my gas tank. I’m not kidding.

Coincidence? Mormons avoid Stuart. Mormons argue with Stuart. Mormons sabotage Stuart? Hmmmm.

WWJSD? What Would Joseph Smith Do?

I should be scared, but I don’t want to soil my holy underwear, so I’ll be brave.

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13 Responses to “The Mormons Are Trying to Kill Me!”
  1. [...] tell you more on how the Morman’s tried to kill me - [...]

  2. Man,

    Watch out. Have you felt a burning in your bosom?

  3. Not yet, but I will tell you when I do.

  4. [...] The Mormons Are Trying to Kill Me! [...]

  5. Watch out you might get on the Mormon Blog watch like me! :)
    You know that burning in the bosom is actually from Mexican food!

  6. I think you are paranoid. Missionaries rarely avoid anybody. I highly doubt they avoid you becasue they know you. Missionaries only stay in one place for a couple of months and then get transferred, and their communication and organization with the next set are not very good. They are pretty much clueless in many areas.

    I doubt the individual who crashed your after school program was a missionary. They are under pretty strict instruction never to be without their companion. If it was just one guy he may have been a Mormon but was probably not a missionary. If he was a missionary he was not a very good one.

    Anyone could have jammed a screwdriver into your gas tank. Whoever did it was a criminal regardless of their religion. With hosting an after school program with what I assume are a bunch of teenagers chances for some level of vandalism is probably high. It is a real shame this happened to you and I am glad you are safe.

    Who knows, you may have some renegade missionary in your area. But I would guess at worst it is a rare bad apple missionary and not some plot.

  7. I think Stuart was bordering on a joke…if you don’t believe me , see the previous post. Or the one about the Naked Chocolate Jesus. Or just about any other post.

  8. Now you’ve done it Stuart! The Holy underwear gang will be after you soon.

  9. I saw these guys - yes there were two of them out today. At first they acted like didn’t hear me, then I ran over and flagged them down. They were in fact Mormon missionaries in Arlington, Wa (their LDS church was in Smokey Point). I got the name of one, but his friend didn’t reveal his name. Jason Cantrell was the name of the fellow I spoke with.

    He was a bit confrontational. And when I asked them if they had seen anyone messing with my bike that day, his buddy busted out laughing and walked away. Jason quickly excused himself and left.

    Paranoid? Maybe so. But it is awful fishy. Our I could be wrong and I misunderstood him as he was saying “More Man” as a gay pick up line. Who knows.

  10. Stuart,

    Were they “Manly More-men?”

  11. As a physician living here growing up here in Arizona; I and my wife have been terrorized ever since we moved into this neighborhood in Mesa and Gilbert. Mormons bizarrely concentrate in Mesa, Gilbert, and Queen Creek; besides the bigwigs JW Marriott and Ira Fulton. Look at the all the other public complaints e.g. Ripoff reports.com even with their police department’s lawsuits of racism by their own officers! Or another complaints with Mesa businesses, or the guy who antagonized solicitation by 2 proseletyzing missionaries. My business locale used to belong to a Mormon bishop, apparently the Mormons love to psychologically mess with you or sabotage you if they can’t convert you, and like the incident with Shopper’s World, we have had every lie made up to every organziation possible and which we had won in court; further, we had had our lives threatened with our car taken by a driver and flipped over; our place broken into; a bullet/nail shot into our office while our employees were working with a little girl by adjoining suite; the owner always wore a white shirt and tie plus his magic underwear. In our gated neighborhood with an HOA has made their arbitrary assessments for non-consensus projects and two non-Mormons in addition to my wife and me have also been harrassed which have been reported to the police and HUD. One neighbor had Die nigger! KKK. put on his wall; another white guy was unjustly arrested and sent to jail for speeding at about 70-85 (85 can be considered criminal but all AZ cops never arrest unless you’re over 100. For us, as a fair skinned ethnic minority but still considered a desecendant of Cain and Ham or the devil, we have had our house continually trashed, our lamps kicked in, explosives placed on our door requiring the bomb squad, and our windows shot out with BB’s or balls. Finally,we hired a Mormon neighbor to work our place and she went crazy, screaming obscenties on video in front of patients, quitting and stealing after we tried to teach her something. Set up car accident where other party got citation where police report was inaccurate and perjured against us as innocents; settled in costly arbitration. Read the history and the bizarre things about their religion yourself and their history, the white supremacists Devil dogs our here were all Mormon; Joseph Smith false prophecies God coming to Missouri, counterfeiting, lynching, fraud Tillamook bell, Mountain Meadows Massacare (see Sept. Dawn), people living on the moon and longer than us; no evidence of Lamanite (Blacks/Indians) Jews or Nephites (Whites) here in the U.S., DNA evidence as Asians, racist rantings and quotes “death to mixed races, becoming White when becoming Mormon: by Brigham Young and other liar prophets and leaders, with a revelation in 1978; fraud seer stones before Rosetta, and interpretation of Book of Abraham as a fraud instead as common Egyptian book of dead (U of Chicago) planet Kolob, Elohim, Jesus, and Lucifer, blood atonement, baptizing dead, plaiagiarism in book of Mormon, plus buying and revising, repeat “and so it came to be…” anti semitism “stiff necked Jews” Gutting and disemboweling ceremonies. Authoritarian and organized crime tactics today, Danites, women. Radical right beliefs false front of no gambling, alcohol, smoking, coffee, and tea; humble to hide wealth, mandatory tithe, storage of foods and weapons, Forced changes by U.S. govt. Extermination orders by Missouri and other states. President Buchanan sending troops to take them down. Current fundamentalists groups have never changed now or in past, see Warren Jeffs-incest/rapist; see abandoned bizzare houses, laundering federal/state $, Most Mormons vote and act as political group, mostly radical right. Our neighorhood= 2 temples and all Mormon all around and in other neighborhoods, even miles away have reported harrassment or other bizzare incidents. Even other friends in other cities report the same or worse. See other internet, Youtube, library history.

  12. Where is my blog that I entered? Is it too full of hate and truth? We can supplement with photos, videos, and testimony. Please respond.

  13. Chill, my friend, your rambing comment got tagged as spam. Not my doing. It just got processed that way by wordpress. It is now free.

    And if you didn’t notice… my article is heavily sarcastic (as most things on this blog).

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