Broken
Posted by: stuartdelony in Blogroll, Church, Jesus, Ministry, broken, church angst, compassion, cry, god, life, missional, people, religion, weep
I read an email from a friend this morning and my heart was broken. He didn’t say much, but he didn’t have to. He shared with me latest chapter of his struggle at a church he’s been pastoring. He was called to pastor an older church and all he’s met over the past few years was grief, abuse and struggle. I sat in my office praying for him and crying for the pain he was experiencing. I’ve watched this happen to him over the past few years at a few different churches. My heart breaks for him and his family. He’s honored me by sharing his journey with me and I’m continually amazed at his heart and his steadfast faith over these years.
I wish this was the only story I’ve heard from people I’ve befriended. What has the church become? I have seen little grace, love and compassion within it’s walls. It has simply become an institutionalized building. A grave reminder of what it was once meant to be.
I’ve also been burned by churches (and one quite significantly). But like my friend, I never saw this abuse as coming from God’s hand. I’ve only seen the Lord shower me in love and grace through the hard these times. This awareness has been key for me. Has the church left a bad taste in my mouth? Absolutely. Has the Lord? Never. And I’ve begun to hate church because of what it has become.
I hate church because of what we’ve made it. BUT, I love the church because of what God created it to be. My passion is to see the church restored to a vibrant, organic body that it once was. I have hope in that. The church is meant to be a glorious thing that changes the world, but we’ve made it something else. It’s become a corporation with four walls to keep some in and the other out. It has become confining, safe and tame.
If you pay attention to Jesus in the gospels, he never treated it as a job, or a career. It was always a passion; a calling. There was no point where his ministry ended and Jesus began. It was his whole being. It was his purpose for existence. It wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t clean, but it was good and completely Godly fueled.
The early church was the same. It wasn’t a club to join. It was a way of life. It transformed lives. It reached out to the poor and needy. It brought God’s love to a broken and hurting world. It was a remedy.
Now, we are people pleasing and program driven business. We are safe and tame. We are no longer faith driven, God fueled, and Christ centered.
I sit alone in my office and weep as I pray for my friend and the church. We have walked so far away from where we were supposed to be. I am grieved. But I am also hopeful that there is a way back.
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All of the above reasons is why I have such a hard time attending a church. It has taken me a few years to start attending again. I think I have finally found one that suits. I just try not to be what I have hated about churches and Christians.
I wonder sometimes if the real challenge is the concept that we need to attend church instead of feeling that we are the church that is not made with hands. Surely, the relationship we have with our loving Heavenly Father through Jesus Christ is what counts, and that is always love, not what people do or say from the inside of a building. However much they might hurt us, the fact that they do and we are hurt means that either they or us are not representing Christ.
It is clear that you believe you are, so . . . .
I think there is raw truth in what you have written here. For me it’s helpful to consider that, if the Church is the body of Christ, it is then both human and divine. And the human part always has the pontential to be broken, sinful, and distracted by the world. Too often I have encountered a corporate approach to running churches, where pastors are seen as commodities to be used or discarded as the corporation sees fit. This is the human part of Church.
I left my church of many years as it had become a very unhealthy place for me. It was a very sad time in my life. Greed and money took over where Gods mission should have been. I am still waiting for direction from the Lord but am content where I am for the moment. thank you for the post I found I needed to hear this today.
Brian, you put it more succinctly than I did.
Susie, thanks for stopping by (comment anytime) and I’m glad the post spoke to you.
Calloused and bruised/ dazed and confused
My Spirit is left wanting something more
Than my selfish hopes/ and my selfish dreams
I’m lying with my face down to the floor
I’m crying out for more
Give me Words to speak
Don’t let my Spirit sleep
Cause I can’t think of anything worth saying
But I know that I owe You my life
So give me Words to speak
Don’t let my Spirit sleep
Every night, every day/ I find that I have nothing I can say
So I stand here in silence awaiting Your guidance
I’m wanting only Your voice to be heard
Let them be Your Words
I just don’t understand this life that I’ve been living
I just don’t understand (x2)
I just don’t understand these lies I’ve been believing
I just don’t understand (x2)
This is a song by Aaron Shust, it’s not my preferred genre of music but the words captured my brokeness. Thank you for your posting for it makes me feel like i’m not going insane seeing the church be so not like Christ. Instead, it operates like a boardroom giving a powerpoint presentation on a P/L report, and impt of 10%. i look around my megachurch and watch people agree with whatever the pastor says and my heartbreaks for all. BUT, i keep going because God has ascribed to them unsurpassable worth and i hope..keep praying for your friend and keep encouraging your friend…even though he must feel like a salmon swimming up stream amongst bears…praying for you both…gosh this is tough..okay i’ll stop