a Closed Fist
Posted by: Stuart in Blogroll, Christianity, Jesus, Uncategorized, control, general, life, people, religion, youth ministry
A closed fist.
I’ve been feeling the weight of life on my shoulders lately. Maybe it’s expectations. Maybe it’s responsibility. Maybe it’s in my head. But for some reason I feel it. A heaviness; it weights on me.
No, it’s not the in-laws in the house, but their presence has given me time to ponder what’s going on. And I began to realize something. I’m holding on to too much. My fist is clenched and I don’t want to let go. But you know the funny thing? The things in my life I’m holding on to aren’t things that I want in the first place. It boils down to trust and control. Do I have enough faith to believe that God can accomplish what He’s said he’ll do? I’d like to say yes, but my actions and the tightness in my stomach say no.
Why is it so hard to let go? To simply open my hand and let go. I just want to let caution to the wind and go. I remember hearing John Eldredge say once, “that you can have freedom or control. Choose one.” I also remember a friend talking about how a closed fist can’t receive - it can only hold or hurt. So I go back to what I know to be true. I go back to that closed fist and open it, letting go.
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praying for you man. seems like a season that many of us are in. I just got thru a tough few weeks because I held too tightly to things and even worse - took things back that I had given away. May you find freedom in the open hand and may you receive greatly because it is not too full…
Thanks man.
Stuart,
Sometime you write about the very thoughts in my head. I feel the same way. The worst feeling is that I feel weak by not letting go. I hate being weak, even though I know its right where God wants me so that I rely on what his hands can do and not my own. Its hard…
I’m praying for you man! You guys mean the world to me
Kevin: I’ll be praying for you and the family
i do that also. I started literally watching my hands, seeing when they were clenched and when my arms were crossed. I would take a deep breath and unfold my arms. or relax my arms and hands. and smile. and be open.
it helped to consciously think about what was going on when the arms and hands were closed to, well, anything and everything.
i have noticed lately there are closing up again, i wake up with my hands and fingers aching.
but I get stressed when school is out for the summer and schedules change. i’m not good at change.
hanging in there with you!
Kristina
Stuart,
I’m with you here.