A town in South America is living in fear after several sightings of a ‘creepy gnome’ that locals claim stalks the streets at night.

The midget - which wears a pointy hat and has a distinctive sideways walk - terrified group of youngsters. [the Sun]

Read more here about the evil gnome.

Guess he’s a St. Patty’s day hold over. Nobody told the little guy to turn the costume back in - he may lose his deposit.

Here’s the evil gnome caught on film.

I’m not kidding.

 Its been going on for a while. Every Thursday the Mormon missionaries canvas downtown Arlington. They’ll talk to anyone they pass but routinely see me and keep walking. I have never had a conversation with them. I must smell of Kingdom or something, but they avoid me like the plague. The weird thing is, I’d love to engage them, but for some reason they won’t. This has been a perpetual state of amusement to me. I know it’s Thursday walk down the street and watch them talk to everyone but me.

Okay so that’s point 1. They avoid me because they know something.

Point 2. Tuesdays and Thursdays we have an after school hang out (the Mud Hut) for kids in town. They come to play pool, xbox and drink coffee and Italian sodas. Every session we either have a devotional or read some bible story to the kids (they are sooo bible illiterate it’s shocking). Last Thursday we had one of the missionaries come and hang out undercover (he was dressed in street clothes, not the typical white shirt and black pants). How did I know this? Well, we were going through the Easter story with the kids and this guy started saying we had to believe in Jesus and Joseph Smith. Not to be confrontational we basically ignored him and kept going.

Which leads me to point 3 of why the Mormon’s are trying to kill me. I ride a motorcycle and was leaving the Mud Hut that day (the coffee house/ hang out we host after school for the kids). As I was leaving, I thought I smelled gas, but didn’t think anything of it because on a bike you smell everything when you ride. A few miles down the road, I felt something running down my leg, like I was sweating. I looked down and there was a small hole in my gas tank. Gas was pouring down my leg.

I was a few miles from home, so I covered the hole with my finger and rode home with one hand. After I parked at home, Miriam (my wife) commented that the hole looked weird. I was a small hole the size of a flat head screwdriver.  Evidently someone had tapped a hole with a screwdriver in my gas tank. I’m not kidding.

Coincidence? Mormons avoid Stuart. Mormons argue with Stuart. Mormons sabotage Stuart? Hmmmm.

WWJSD? What Would Joseph Smith Do?

I should be scared, but I don’t want to soil my holy underwear, so I’ll be brave.

Yes, I said it. Walter Kelley is evil and he controls the weather with his evil eyebrows!

I noticed it a while back, but didn’t give it much thought. Each week Miriam and I watch 24 and then promptly afterwards the local news comes on. First off, Seattle is a lame city for news. Not much crime happens, so they actually give local crime reports for other cities. We’re just too clean and nice of a city. But that’s besides the point.

My point:

The weather man, Walter Kelley, for Q13 (the Fox affiliate) is pure evil.

I’ve been watching closely. He looks innocent enough, like a young Hasslehoff but less bronze. Upon closer look, his eyebrows are possessed and control him along with the weather in Seattle. I think he may be the Antichrist. See how they point upward like horns… evil! He seems to delight in bad weather as his eyebrows bounce in delight as he reports it… evil! He frequently does segments with cute animals to distract his truly sinister plans of world domination through meteorological malevolence … evil! He also has a birthmark in the shape of an upside down cross to which he says is “groovy”… evil!

So to all of you who reside in the beautiful Pacific Northwest, watch 24, and love Jesus (yes all 5 of you!)… please turn off the TV as soon as the 24 ends. Skip the “scenes from next week’s episode of 24” it’s a ploy to lure you into his evil relm of the Q13 news! Be careful. Stay awake, stay alive! I am praying for your souls.

I’ve tried to find video for you to sample and all I can find is this short clip - which is only moderately evil. It seems all footage and info on this man have been destroyed in some sort of vast Satanic Mormon conspiracy.

I’ll tell you more on how the Morman’s tried to kill me - tomorrow.

Okay I want to tell you all a story and depending on your beliefs it either involves: a demon or an evil clock.

I’m in my office Friday talking with a friend. My friend was sharing with me how discouraged he had been lately. While he was telling me this, my computer alerts me that I have a new email. I turned around to check my email and someone had sent me an devotional about discouragement. Coincidence? I think not. Then, I felt the Lord leading me to read this to him. And as soon as I started to read it. The clock in my office falls off the wall, hits my laptop and splits the screen in two. I’m not kidding.

I’ve had that clock on the wall for 2 years and it has never fallen before. And on top of that, the nail that holds it to the wall was still in place and unmoved.

Demon? Evil Clock? You tell me.

But for me, I don’t believe in clocks.

[For more on the demon debate go here]

It’s story time with Uncle Crowder and yes, squirrels are evil!