Out on my drive here’s what I saw…

May the light of the Lord break into the gloom of your life today…

“The earth trembled at dawn of Sunday, the first day of the week. But the three women walking to the tombs outside Jerusalem hardly noticed that. When they came in view of the tomb, they saw that the stone has already been rolled back. The entrance stood open, dark and yawning and… empty. ”

- from a children’s book

Ever had a dream die? Or felt the anguish of something you cared so for or believed in with all your heart… as it ended? We’ve all experienced that from one time or another.

Now, let me ask you this. Have you ever lost something so dear, only to realize it wasn’t gone? From death to life. From darkness to light. Hope lives on. Joy returns. Anguish evaporates. Love wins.

Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: You don’t give up.

Anne Lamott

As we still have Thanksgiving on our minds and leftovers in our fridges,  let us not let these ideas of thanksgiving, and gratitude slip away too fast. Sometimes we’re in such a hurry, we forget to have honest moments with God. I read this quote this morning and thought that it was a good reminder of why knowing the Lord fills us with gratitude, awe, and hope.

We know a time will come for us to look back with our Lord over the story of our lives. Every hidden thing shall be made known, every word spoken in secret shall be uttered. My soul shrinks back; how will this not be an utter horror? The whole idea of judgment has been terribly twisted by our enemy. One evangelistic tract conveys the popular idea that at some point shortly upon our arrival in heaven the lights will dim and God will give the signal for the videotape of our entire life to be played before the watching universe: every shameful act, every wicked thought. How can this be so? If there is “now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Rom. 8:1), how is it possible there will be shame later? God himself shall clothe us in white garments (Rev. 3:5). Will our Lover then strip his beloved so that the universe may gawk at her? Never.

However God may choose to evaluate our lives, whatever memory of our past we shall have in heaven, we know this: It will only contribute to our joy. We will read our story by the light of redemption and see how God has used both the good and the bad, the sorrow and the gladness for our welfare and his glory. With the assurance of total forgiveness we will be free to know ourselves fully, walking again through the seasons of life to linger over the cherished moments and stand in awe at God’s grace for the moments we have tried so hard to forget. Our gratitude and awe will swell into worship of a Lover so strong and kind as to make us fully his own.

     -John Eldredge The Sacred Romance

[Painting by Carol Aust]

I’ve been feeling bogged down lately. Partly it’s from stresses and burdens I’m carrying. I know that I shouldn’t be carrying them, but here I find myself again with an aching back feeling weighted down and restless. There’s those things in our livesthat seem to plague us. At times we forget they exist, then we get hit again. I let the worries of the world begin to get to me and before I know it, I’ve forgotten who I am. I let myself become defined by my burdens.  Ha! They’re not even my burdens, they’re things like worry, and a lack of faith. They haunt me, they stalk my every move.

Yet I am reminded in Psalm 55:22 “Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.” How often to I find myself feeling like a Bond martini - shaken, not stirred. You’d think I’d get it right every once in a while. I think I need a tattoo: “rely less upon self and more on God, stupid!” Or maybe I’ll just settle for it on a t-shirt.

I find myself asking, “Why oh why God, do I think I can handle life on my own?“ Then I am reminded that we’re all taught to never show weakness. We must always project excellence and competence. The only problem is I’m so often not excellent or barely competent and just hoping no one else notices.

Then 2 Corinthians 2:10 hits me with, “For when I am weak, then I am strong.” So what now, I’m choosing to be weak? Oh great, feeling weak is what got me here in the first place. So I’m tired, weary, weak, worrisome and faithless. I’m also lacking in excellence and competence. So where do I go now God? And that’s the question I should have been asking in the first place.