[Painting by Carol Aust]

I’ve been feeling bogged down lately. Partly it’s from stresses and burdens I’m carrying. I know that I shouldn’t be carrying them, but here I find myself again with an aching back feeling weighted down and restless. There’s those things in our livesthat seem to plague us. At times we forget they exist, then we get hit again. I let the worries of the world begin to get to me and before I know it, I’ve forgotten who I am. I let myself become defined by my burdens.  Ha! They’re not even my burdens, they’re things like worry, and a lack of faith. They haunt me, they stalk my every move.

Yet I am reminded in Psalm 55:22 “Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.” How often to I find myself feeling like a Bond martini - shaken, not stirred. You’d think I’d get it right every once in a while. I think I need a tattoo: “rely less upon self and more on God, stupid!” Or maybe I’ll just settle for it on a t-shirt.

I find myself asking, “Why oh why God, do I think I can handle life on my own?“ Then I am reminded that we’re all taught to never show weakness. We must always project excellence and competence. The only problem is I’m so often not excellent or barely competent and just hoping no one else notices.

Then 2 Corinthians 2:10 hits me with, “For when I am weak, then I am strong.” So what now, I’m choosing to be weak? Oh great, feeling weak is what got me here in the first place. So I’m tired, weary, weak, worrisome and faithless. I’m also lacking in excellence and competence. So where do I go now God? And that’s the question I should have been asking in the first place.