Yes, I said it. Walter Kelley is evil and he controls the weather with his evil eyebrows!

I noticed it a while back, but didn’t give it much thought. Each week Miriam and I watch 24 and then promptly afterwards the local news comes on. First off, Seattle is a lame city for news. Not much crime happens, so they actually give local crime reports for other cities. We’re just too clean and nice of a city. But that’s besides the point.

My point:

The weather man, Walter Kelley, for Q13 (the Fox affiliate) is pure evil.

I’ve been watching closely. He looks innocent enough, like a young Hasslehoff but less bronze. Upon closer look, his eyebrows are possessed and control him along with the weather in Seattle. I think he may be the Antichrist. See how they point upward like horns… evil! He seems to delight in bad weather as his eyebrows bounce in delight as he reports it… evil! He frequently does segments with cute animals to distract his truly sinister plans of world domination through meteorological malevolence … evil! He also has a birthmark in the shape of an upside down cross to which he says is “groovy”… evil!

So to all of you who reside in the beautiful Pacific Northwest, watch 24, and love Jesus (yes all 5 of you!)… please turn off the TV as soon as the 24 ends. Skip the “scenes from next week’s episode of 24” it’s a ploy to lure you into his evil relm of the Q13 news! Be careful. Stay awake, stay alive! I am praying for your souls.

I’ve tried to find video for you to sample and all I can find is this short clip - which is only moderately evil. It seems all footage and info on this man have been destroyed in some sort of vast Satanic Mormon conspiracy.

I’ll tell you more on how the Morman’s tried to kill me - tomorrow.

“the great sin of white north-american middle-class protestantism is shallow hopelessness, ‘cheap hope.’ we cannot be said to have a gospel because we refuse to know enough of the bad news to prepare our collective soul for the good. our insistence upon being and remaining positive and optomistic is what prevents us from exploring deeply the meaning of hope, biblically understood. we want to have easter sunday without good friday- or better, we desire a friday so ‘good’ that it is no longer for us a sybolic mode of identification with the suffering world.” [douglas j. hall, confessing the faith- 1998.]

Jesus Christ, I think upon your sacrifice
You became nothing
Poured out your blood.
Many times, I’ ve wonder at your gift of life
I’m in that place once again
Yes, I’m in that place once again

And once again I look upon the cross where You died
I’m humbled by Your mercy and I’m broken inside
Once again I thank You,
Once again I pour out my life

Now You are exalted to the highest place
King of the Heavens, where one day I’ll bow
But for now, I’ll marvel at Your saving grace
I’m full of praise once again
Oh I’m full of praise once again

And once again I look upon the cross where You died
I’m humbled by Your mercy and I’m broken inside
Once again I thank You
Once again I pour out my life

Thank you for the cross
Thank you for the cross
Thank you for the cross, my friend

And once again I look upon the cross where You died
I’m humbled by Your mercy and I’m broken inside
Once again I thank You
Once again I pour out my life

-Matt Redman “Once Again“ 

It’s said that every criticism given must be also tempered with 5 compliments. And in light of my grumpy rant over Mr. Jeremy Camp yesterday, I’ve decided to give him 5 compliments to cover my rant.

I know I offended some, and while I won’t name names… I will though, post a link to their blog here. And also show a picture of me with them here.

So here is my redemptive list of the greatness of Jeremy Camp:

5 Virtues of Jeremy Camp 

1. He and Jesus share the same initials.

2. He Maintains A Well-Groomed Soul Patch.

3. He’s going to heaven when he dies.

4. He’s not a Mormon.

5. He likes U2

[Note: this is not an all encompassing list, I expect there to be more than simply 5 virtues of Mr. Camp. I am just a very busy person and haven't found the time ponder Mr. Camp and to list all of the many other virtues. If you find the time, please feel free to list them in the comments section of this post. The purpose of my original rant was simply to point out my frustration with the bubble gum fluff faith portrayed in much of Christian music.]