Miriam and I are definitely in for it. I can only blame my southern baptist heritage for this. I didn’t realize that being SBC penetrates your DNA… but I guess it does.

So here’ s what happened.

The other day, my wife, enters our den to see something odd transpiring. My daughter, Aida (3yrs), is standing on the couch with my son Samuel (2) and dozens of stuffed animals sitting on the ground listening. She picks up a microphone and proceeds to introduce the “crowd” to my son James (5). Aida sits down, James grabs the microphone and stands on the couch. He begins to ask the kids and the stuffed animals if they know Jesus and launches into a mini-sermon. Then he opens things up for an altar call, asking anyone who wants to accept Jesus to step down front. Many stuffed animals were saved that day.

He’s amazing. I have no idea where he gets this stuff. It’s not like he’s seen it on Sundays at church - he’s always in kids church.  It’s the gotta be the SBC, I tell ya. It’s like a skunk - once you’re sprayed, it’s hard to get the stink off of ya. So we’ve either got a Billy Graham or even next Benny Hinn on our hands… Oh boy!

That’s right. I’m a Dirty Baptist or DB. I’m not ashamed of it. Frankly, I’m proud of it.

So what is a DB?

You might be a DB if… (you answer NO to these)

1. You must wear a suit on Sunday (and you like it).

2. Sitting in your pews makes you smell like old person (and that’s a good thing).

3. You put Charismatics in the same category as Mormons (because they’re both a cult)

4. The sound of pipe organs makes you feel at home (let us turn now to hymn 3732.34b).

5. You have used the term “Turn or Burn” in the course of evangelism (it’s truth people need!).

6. You’ve used a bible as a weapon to bludgeon a non believer (sword of the spirit baby).

7. You pronounce Jesus with four syllables (J-huh-eEEEE-Sssussss!).

8. You hold to traditions, but have no idea why you do them (it’s what we’ve always done!)

So as a DB what do I personally stand for? Well, I believe in the biblical model of a church (Acts) and not a set of traditions set in motion 70 years ago or ones by chubby Buddha Ricky Bobby Warren. I believe that God is living and you have to move and change to keep up with Him. I believe that we’ve sold the danger of the Great Commission for the comfort of the American Dream. I believe that we need to engage, pursue, and love the dirty people (i.e. the ones we don’t want sitting next to us on a Sunday morning because you know they sin - like we don’t). I believe that the biblical model of a believer and follower of Christ is a dangerous thing that the world fears (but rarely sees).

So what officially makes me a Dirty Baptist? Well, it’s the looks of disapproval I garnet from the other Baptists as I move outside the box (or sanctuary).

So don’t get me wrong, I love Baptists. It’s just I enjoy being a dirty one.

So what about you? Are you a DB? Or a Dirty ________ (insert denomination)?

[revised from '06]

The other day I saw some people that had a shit-poo. Yes, that’s actually the name of a cross breed of dog (shitzu and poodle) -so I’m not cursing. This got me thinking that most of us are denominational mutts when it comes to churches. Most people church shop with no real clue what each denomination means they just go because one serves them better than the other. It’s like choosing between McDonalds or KFC.   

So my question is what kind of church mutt are you?

I’m a method-matic-southern-non-square-ptist.

I was sprinkled into the Methodist church, then my mom went spiritual and dragged me to a charismatic church. Then for most of my life I was raised southern baptist. I worked for a non-denominational church, then a non practicing foursquare. Now I work for a para-church and attend a conservative baptist northwest church.

So what are you? 

“Once a year we go to Austria to hunt with our dogs, and at the end of the day we sit on the verandah and drink a beer. So we thought, my dog also has earned it.” says Terrie Berenden, a pet shop owner in the southern Dutch town of Zelhem, who created a beer for her Weimaraners made from beef extract and malt.

Um. Wow, this is wrong on so many levels.

This raises a deep theological question: What is the SBC’s (Southern Baptist Convention) stance on dogs drinking beer? I mean there’s no place in the Bible (quick! prove me wrong) that says your dog can’t kick one back. Is there?

So what do Southern Baptists do when Fido want’s a cold one?

Any thoughts?

Read more here.

Well in ending 2006, I’m hosting the annual Rahab (Christian Whore) Awards. I think Craig Gross said it best when he said, “If Satan’s a Pimp, Don’t be his Hoe.”

This award goes toward the best public display by a prominent Christian to sell out/whore out to the world. By their actions they are saying, I love you God, but my integrity can be bought for a price.

The Nominations:

A. Joel Osteen for “Your Best Life Now” Board Game. Ummm wow. It almost speaks for itself. Reminds me of the Prayer of Jabez CD! 

B. Me - As someone once said (in the comments below) “one mans sell out is another man’s angry rantings.”Touche’!  Very true, so I’m placing myself, now, on this list between Osteen and the blonde. So I’m in good company! Bonus points for coming up with a critical awards nominations list in the first place.

C. Jessica Simpson-  My Daddy was a youth pastor, but he likes flaunting what God gave me for cash! Bonus points for having a daddy pimp you out!

D. Veggie Tales- Big Idea productions gets bought (Phil Vicher, creator is out) and bye bye go the Christian morals for Saturday mornings on NBC.

E. Us- for fueling a christian marketing industry that uses our faith for making boat loads of money! It’s no different from the commercialized world, it just looks nicer. Bonus points: we killed Christmas. Jesus who? Forget that - where are my presents!

Please add any write in’s to the comment bar below.

Is this an angry rant? Well, blogging is my therapy.