A closed fist.

I’ve been feeling the weight of life on my shoulders lately. Maybe it’s expectations. Maybe it’s responsibility. Maybe it’s in my head. But for some reason I feel it. A heaviness; it weights on me.

No, it’s not the in-laws in the house, but their presence has given me time to ponder what’s going on. And I began to realize something. I’m holding on to too much. My fist is clenched and I don’t want to let go. But you know the funny thing? The things in my life I’m holding on to aren’t things that I want in the first place. It boils down to trust and control. Do I have enough faith to believe that God can accomplish what He’s said he’ll do? I’d like to say yes, but my actions and the tightness in my stomach say no.

Why is it so hard to let go? To simply open my hand and let go. I just want to let caution to the wind and go. I remember hearing John Eldredge say once, “that you can have freedom or control. Choose one.” I also remember a friend talking about how a closed fist can’t receive - it can only hold or hurt. So I go back to what I know to be true. I go back to that closed fist and open it, letting go.

I’ve been feeling a bit stressed lately. My body’s been feeling the toll of it as well (eg. twitchy eye, heartburn). So I was told that I need to rest more. Not sleep. Just relax and rest. I know that all day long I go, go go. So I’m trying to slow down when I have time.

I was reminded this morning:

“Rest in the Lord…”  Psalm 37:7

So let me ask you this. What does rest mean to you? How do you do it?

For the past few days I’ve had this twitchy eye. It’s my right eye lid and it keeps twitching. It’s more annoying than anything. Looking it up on the net, it’s either due to:

1. Stress
2. Too much caffene
3. Lack of sleep

Ha ha. So can I take all of the above? Any of you ever have this problem?