Walter Kelley is pure EVIL!
Posted by at 9th April, 2007
Yes, I said it. Walter Kelley is evil and he controls the weather with his evil eyebrows!
I noticed it a while back, but didn’t give it much thought. Each week Miriam and I watch 24 and then promptly afterwards the local news comes on. First off, Seattle is a lame city for news. Not much crime happens, so they actually give local crime reports for other cities. We’re just too clean and nice of a city. But that’s besides the point.
My point:
The weather man, Walter Kelley, for Q13 (the Fox affiliate) is pure evil.
I’ve been watching closely. He looks innocent enough, like a young Hasslehoff but less bronze. Upon closer look, his eyebrows are possessed and control him along with the weather in Seattle. I think he may be the Antichrist. See how they point upward like horns… evil! He seems to delight in bad weather as his eyebrows bounce in delight as he reports it… evil! He frequently does segments with cute animals to distract his truly sinister plans of world domination through meteorological malevolence … evil! He also has a birthmark in the shape of an upside down cross to which he says is “groovy”… evil!
So to all of you who reside in the beautiful Pacific Northwest, watch 24, and love Jesus (yes all 5 of you!)… please turn off the TV as soon as the 24 ends. Skip the “scenes from next week’s episode of 24” it’s a ploy to lure you into his evil relm of the Q13 news! Be careful. Stay awake, stay alive! I am praying for your souls.
I’ve tried to find video for you to sample and all I can find is this short clip – which is only moderately evil. It seems all footage and info on this man have been destroyed in some sort of vast Satanic Mormon conspiracy.
I’ll tell you more on how the Morman’s tried to kill me – tomorrow.
16 Responses to “Walter Kelley is pure EVIL!”
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haha I noticed the exact same thing. I will not miss Mr Kelly and his eyebrows (although I do miss living in Seattle).
And dont fret.. mormons try to kill everyone.
Cheers!
-Jessica
I can’t wait to hear about your Mormon experience. Have I mentioned that I love Mormons.
kevin you need a tshirt
Weird – searching on walter kelley and find this info…
PS – never a met mean nasty rotten Mormon… They rate very high on my personal experience meter.
silly topic. Where is walter? Always manic walter…
Walter Kelly is Truly a weird fellow you know on lastnight 10′o clock news he said sexually instead of especially….. LOL wow he is something else i must say…….
P.S Have any of you noticed the 3rd eye that keeps getting bigger, pimple scrubbed to a mass crater on his forehead poor Walter, are you not famous enough to get a makeup sponsor?
His evil is trying to break free!
I’m pumped someone feels the EXACT same way as I do. For years, every time I see a “snipit” of Walter Kelley, I want to punch him in the f*cking throat. Not only do we have VERY mild weather in the greater Seattle area (I have lived in Maine and Phoenix – yea drastic), but we actually have respectable weather compared to most places. Walter Kelley never fails to find a way to make it rain S*IT with his views no matter what the weather is doing. Examples: Sunny Day? “It’s going to melt your face to the point that you look like a burn victim” – Kelly. A little rain? “You will certainly drown in all this water if you don’t drive into a guard rail first because the roads are going to be hell…you will never get to work…then it’s going to turn to ice…then sasquatch will come and eat your broken down ass” – ok seriously…I hate this guy…such a devine hated!
I play golf with Walter, he’s a great guy and extremely funny. How can you be mad at a weather reporter? It makes no sense, you live in the NW- we all know the weather can be F’d at times. If Walt ever wanted to “take over the world”, i’d gladly help and ensure that this site, the creator, and its supporters suffer the tyranny and wrath of Kelley’s Regime. Ha! Ya bunch of yahoos….
Leave my Walter alone.
I think he is hot I would do him in a heart beat.
i love walter! No he is not evil but does have devilishly good looks. f*ck the rest i role with the bestt(watler) actually i’ve never met him but i feel like we’d be awsome together. if walter happens to stumble onto this page, i hope he knows that seattle would not be half as great without our star meteoroligist, walter kelly.
Totally nice guy. His super adorable, extremely well mannered and well behaved kids go to school with mine. Yes, he’s that cute in person also. His wife is also a nice and wonderfully normal (and lovely) person.
Can you people not pick up on sarcasm? This is a ridiculous post. It’s meant to be ridiculous.
i completely agree, Walter Kelly is evil! i heard he was allegedly also a drunk and a rapist!!!! my friend told me his dad knew Walter Kelly and drank with him a lot! he would creep into my friends room late at night. he always stops the story there and just cries.
I love Walter Kelly!!! He’s always only half a syllable away from fucking up, and I think he keeps a lit joint next to the satellite screen from which he tokes whenver he steps outside the camera frame… and the forecast is much the better for it!
When Walter comes on both my husband and I immediately brighten up… it’s like having that jock buddy you used to drink and pass out with suddenly show up at your door. He may be evil (he works for FOX, which is sort of proof right there), but I’d go have a beer with him any day.